Giorgio has written this clever and creative message to an imaginary friend. He has employed “tongue-in-cheek” style, which is a figure of speech implying that his statements are humorously or otherwise not seriously intended, and they should not be taken at face value.
You are not a lucky person! In the class lottery, I selected you as the person who has to read my boring letter. My letter is about my most important skills and abilities. First of all, I would like to let you know that I don’t have one primary skill or ability. I’m smart in every way!
I have excellent verbal/linguistic skills. As a matter of fact, I can easily read a thousand page book of philosophy in a couple of hours, and then lecture college students about my interpretation of what the author wanted to say. Logic and mathematics are my best skills. In one of my works, I demonstrated that the “Theory of Relativity” is a fake and that Albert Einstein would have been of more use to humanity working as a cashier at Walmart.
I also love music. My most recent at Madison Square Garden was an extraordinary success. Sometimes, I play two different instruments at the same time. A couple of weeks ago, I astonished my audience by playing the guitar with my right hand, and the violin with my left hand. If I remember correctly, I played The Rolling Stones song on the guitar and a Bach composition on the violin.
I’m also a famous painter. There are many of my art works in the Louvre Museum in Paris. One day when I visited the gallery in the Louvre where the Mona Lisa and some of my paintings (although not the best ones), are displayed, I heard some visitors arguing about an unknown topic. Finally, one of the visitors asked me, “Giorgio, do you know who painted the portrait of the smiling woman (the Mona Lisa) next to your masterpieces?”
I practice many sports, but I really don’t excel at any of them. During the 1960 Olympic Games, I only won the silver medal in the 100 meter race. Armin Hary of Germany was too fast for me. Would you like to compete against me in a 100 meter race? It will be a competition between a turtle and a rabbit, and the turtle will not be me.
My interpersonal skills are well known. I have been involved in many disputes and have always found the perfect solution to any problem. By listening and talking, I’m always able to convince others that my point of view is the correct one. If I had been a signer of the Declaration of Independence, I would have convinced the other signers that it was not only right to declare independence from Great Britain, but also to conquer the island nation and make it a U.S. territory.
Sometimes, I need to be alone and think about ways to save humanity. On this issue I have two or three good ideas. I also like to write poems and am currently writing a new version of the “Divine Comedy” which I may title “Divine Comedies.” I have a feeling that Italian high school students would appreciate this title. I’m proud of my back yard which I consider a haven. I have a big garden with many plants, flowers and vegetables which I grow not only for myself but for my relatives as well as neighbors and friends in Lawrence Township. I really have a green thumb and like to experiment. I’m trying to grow a Joshua tree but it’s hard to do and the outcome is unclear.
As you can tell, I’m a very smart person, even though I don’t like to talk about it. It will be a secret between you and me because I’m a very modest and shy person. One day, during a conversation with God, he told me that I was a very smart and a very good person. I answered that he was not bad either!
Good bye from the shy guy,
=> This article was reviewed by Linda Sipprelle.